This lent has been for me a HUGE lesson. I feel so blessed that God has taken the care and delicacy to show me how much waiting is important for him. How much He appreciates the expectancy and the anticipation, always full of hope and faith.
To be Honest, my “waiting” not always has been full of hope and faith, not always has been full of love and trust. Sometimes my wait has been full of anxiety and full of “security blankets”, full of things and people that, on the outside seem normal that a person would hold on them to feel ease, but on the inside were taking the place that only God should take. Right before lent and during lent, God has taken me for surprise and He has taken the things that make me feel “secure” (family, friend, job, spiritual director, recognition, etc.) and put them away in one way or another, some of them temporarily and some of them more permanently, making me feel vulnerable and naked. Making me wait to see my prayers answer alone. I realize that when we wait grabbing “security blankets” that take the place of God, our wait becomes hopeless and our sight focuses on ourselves, making our desires the end and goal of the wait.
When God took my security blankets away, I realized that the desire that my heart should only have is to be with God, to see him one day face to face, to love him, and making known to the world. The other desires that my heart has I should lift them up in prayer, but a prayer that truly wants what ever God wants. Knowing that His will is much noble and full of love than mine. Knowing that He loves me and his plans are always better than mine. It is easy to say, I just to say it all the time, but it is hard realize that we are never in “control”.
The wait has show me that the prayer that has bring tears to my eyes, even thought is good, has teach me so much more than if it has been answered right away. I have grow so much more in the waiting, I have come so much closer to God in the “unanswered prayer”, and my eyes little by little had change of direction and now I realize the blessings that come with waiting.
Even if I was not waiting for what I am waiting, the way and the wait has been the gift that God wanted to give me from this desire in my heart.
“Whatever God wants“. St Gianna Beretta Molla